Virtues+Project+–+Dara+Feldman

//The Virtues Project is a global movement designed to encourage the practice of virtues in everyday life//. toc Managed by the Talent Team Version 4/06/14
 * Virtues Project - Dara Feldman **

To explain the Virtues Project, provide information about its founder Dara Feldman and connect people to the goal and practice of the project through this Triangle.
 * Purpose of this Page **

Talent Team Leader: Wendy Bingaman Triangle Email: triangle@lifebushido.com
 * Triangle Contacts **

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** About Dara **
Dara Feldman is an experienced educator, speaker, author and character consultant coach whose goal is to transform schools and their support systems into loving environments that recognize self-worth and encourage learning. In addition to Dara's extensive experience in education her background includes an impressive list of accomplishments and awards. To learn more visit the links below.

** Links **

 * Dara's web site
 * Dara's book
 * The Virtues Concept
 * The Virtues Project
 * The V Channel

** Interview with Dara **
Steve recently conducted a fascinating interview with Dara Feldman regarding Virtues. Below you can listen to the interview, download the transcript or read it online.

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** Transcript **
**STEVE KANTOR:** Hi, this is Steve Kantor with Lifebushido. Welcome to this teleseminar on Dara Feldman and the //Virtues Project//. Dara, good morning. How are you today?

**DARA FELDMAN:** Good morning, Steve. I’m great. How are you?

**STEVE KANTOR:** Fantastic. So, I’m speaking to you from the Bethesda, Maryland, and Washington D.C. area. Dara actually lives in the same city, and we’ve gotten together a few times for breakfast and shared some ideas. I love what she’s involved with, both on the education side of things and in terms of this //Virtues Project//, which we’ll hear about in a second. To give a brief introduction for Dara, Dara was honored as the //Disney Outstanding Elementary Teacher of the Year// in the past. She comes from an education background on multiple levels, starting on elementary school. She’s also the director of this exciting thing called the //Virtues Project//, which she’ll describe in a moment. She’s also the author of a new book called //The Heart of Education: Bringing Joy, Meaning and Purpose Back to Education and Learning//, which I actually read in one sitting a few weeks ago. She’s also a protégé of Jack Canfield, who is the author or co-author of the //Chicken Soup for the Soul// series and she’ll explain her connection to Canfield in a little bit. Dara, welcome. Could you start with a couple minute overview of the //Virtues Project// and the concept, introduction, three to five minutes, on the Virtues concept?

**DARA FELDMAN:** Absolutely. Steve, I’m grateful to have this opportunity to talk with you and everybody else who’s listening. So, the //Virtues Project// is really a global, grass-roots movement. It’s been around for over 25 years, and it’s five strategies for bringing out the best in ourselves and others. It was honored by United Nations as a model global project for families of all cultures, and it’s endorsed by the Dalai Lama. It’s in schools, businesses, families, communities, all walks of life. It started when the founders, a husband-and-wife team of therapists, and the wife’s younger brother, who actually was a Disney Imagineer, were talking about how tragic it is that kids are killing each other. This was 25 years ago. And they said, “You know, somebody oughtta do something.” And they looked at one another and said, “Why not us?” So John quit his job at Disney, moved up to Canada with Dan and Linda, and they did some research. And they found through a Harvard study that the number one reason that youth, ages 14 to 25, gave for randomly committing acts of murder was boredom. And it’s not the kind of boredom where ‘Oh, geez, nothing is on TV.’ It’s really that lack of meaning and purpose. So, since both of their backgrounds--Dan's and Linda’s--had to do with psychology, they realized that it was a spiritual issue. Not religious, just spiritual. They researched all of the cultures, oral traditions, and sacred texts of the world. And what they found was that what was common to all of humanity were the virtues, those universal positive qualities of character. And they thought, well, our kids are all born with these in potential. What can we do to help awaken and strengthen them? They came up with the five strategies: speaking the language, recognizing teachable moments, setting clear boundaries based on restorative justice, honoring the spirit, and the companion process. They self-published //The Family Guide//. And in less than two months, //The Family Guide// was in over 20 countries, word of mouth. About 17 years ago, Linda was on //Oprah//, and Oprah said of //The Family Guide// that it’s the instruction manual our kids didn’t come with. So, I don’t know, Steve. My kids didn’t come with instructions. I don’t know if yours did, or anybody else’s who is listening. I didn’t get the instructions until my kids were 12 and 15. So I used the strategies and I have to tell you that one process, that of instant sibling rivalry, disappeared forever. And I’ve seen these strategies around the world, because I do travel around the world, cut through all boundaries, all races, all religions. All everything. And it’s that common humanity. The founders have recently retired, and they’ve turned that project over to us. I’m chairman of the board. It’s now a non-profit. And we’re here to serve, and it’s really helping people, in a very tangible way, remember who they truly are. And the last thing I’ll say about this is, a couple of weeks ago there was an //International Character Day//. It wasn’t started by the //Virtues Project//. There is an organization called the //Moxy Institute//, and they created an 8-minute film, and you can Google it, called //The Science of Character//. And it was basically an 8-minute PSA for the //Virtues Project//. Everything we’ve been doing for more than 25 years, now, people are going ‘Oh, well this is new.’ There’s nothing new about compassion. There’s nothing new about justice or love. It’s as old as time. And when we think about what skills and strategies our children and ourselves are going to need to be successful in the future, we have no idea. But we do know that those virtues, those character qualities, those strengths, will be timeless. And I hope that’s helpful.

**STEVE KANTOR:** That’s great. That was a great introduction. So, reflecting on a few of those things that you mentioned, that appeal to me, or why I wanted you to do this tele-seminar for Lifebushido Triangles and Ishidos, there’s a few things. First of all, I like the global nature of it. As you know, Lifebushido is global, and part of our purpose is to have people connect from different countries and different cultures. Secondly, I passionately believe in diversity, as I think you do as well. And the whole concept of the //Virtues Project//, if I heard you correct, is learning from all cultures, religions, heritages, etc. Third, the word virtue, by definition, is a positive thing. A virtue is a good thing, right? And what the //Virtues Project// has done is pulled together these, what is it, 40, 50, a hundred virtues? Refresh my memory.

**DARA FELDMAN:** There’s 52 in the //Educator and Family Cards//, and with the //Reflection Cards// there are a hundred.

**STEVE KANTOR:** Ok. So one thing I’ve got in my hands is this really fun deck of virtue cards, which, I think it cost maybe twenty bucks or so online. I love this. I periodically put a virtue card in with a notebook that I send to people. As Dara said, it’s about 52 virtue cards, which helps us focus on things. There’s also an iPhone app, which I think is, what, .99 cents or something? Is that correct, Dara?

**DARA FELDMAN:** Yep .99 cents. There’s also one for Android. The Android’s is called //Virtues Deck//. The iPhone app is the //Virtues Reflection Cards//. And on the iPad, though you have to go through my website because I didn’t make it for the iPad, you can get the //Educators’ Cards// for free. So if you go to //downloads// at @www.darafeldman.com, go to the shop, and click on the //educators’ cards//, you can download that for free to your iPad.

**STEVE KANTOR:** If you have an iPhone or Android, I suggest you search those stores for ‘virtues’ and buy the little .99-cent thing. It’s really fun, it’s cool, and it will give you a quick introduction to some of the concepts. So...

**DARA FELDMAN:** And it helps to strengthen your vocabulary and the way you see the world through the lens of the virtues. They’re really powerful.

**STEVE KANTOR:** Right, right. So I now want to go into two chunks: one talking about virtues in the workplace, and some of your tips for working with children, which a lot of our staff have children at home. First, in terms of the workplace. As you all know, Lifebushido is a different type of entity. You don’t usually hear about the word virtue being used in conjunction with a company or a workplace or purpose or a mission. But in terms of Lifebushido, we will and we plan to inject the virtues into what we do. First of all, in terms of Lifebushido Triangles, if you’re forming a triangle and listening to this for the first time, think of it. You’re being connected to three, four, five strangers from around the world, who all want to positively change their lives. And what we want to do is inject the concept of virtue, which Dara’s going to lay out, into your interaction virtually. At this point, you’re not face-to-face. It’s either things you say to each other via email, or things you say on the phone, etc., and then how we work in the workplace, correct? Currently, Lifebushido has over a hundred Ishidos who work together. And I’d like your thoughts, Dara, on how can the virtues be embedded in the workplace, in the way we interact together. So it’s a fairly open-ended question. Go ahead.

**DARA**: First of all, it’s really thoughtful of you, Steve, to have this vision. You know, when we are communicating not face-to-face, there are so many nuances that are missed, and people can really take things the wrong way. And so it’s really, really essential that we’re mindful and using language in a powerful way that’s going to make an impact. Daniel Pink has a book out called //Drive//. In his research, he found that it’s not so much money that’s going to drive people to do their personal best. Look at //Wikipedia//; no one gets paid for that. But it really is about creating that culture of appreciation. Think about the people that you admire, or people that you enjoy being around. What is it about them? They probably make you feel seen, heard and valued. How do they do it? You know it may be that eye contact face-to-face, their full presence. Or it may be the language that they use that is really affirming. So I think the first thing is when you use the virtues language, for example, the virtue and evidence, in building your relationships, you’re helping to see one another through a very positive lens. And that helps to create a culture of appreciation. A culture of unity and trust. Let me give you an example. If somebody sends you an email and you say I really would appreciate if you would give me some feedback on this, when they give your feedback, don’t just say, “Thank you,” but “Thank you for your helpfulness in giving me feedback. I appreciate your generosity of time.” Looking for that character quality in them that may have been used to help them do whatever it was that they did. Does that make sense, Steve?

**STEVE KANTOR:** At an esoteric level, which is, I get it…that’s why you’re on this call. But it’s a new way of thinking.

**DARA FELDMAN:** It is. Ok.

**STEVE KANTOR:** I’d encourage it. The specific example you gave is terrific. I’d encourage the people listening. Realize this may take a little while to sink in. Dara’s just going to throw out examples. I think the examples are great, though.

**DARA FELDMAN:** Thank you, Steve, for your wisdom, and for keeping it real. Ok, so everybody listening, Steve included, I want you to cross your arms. Cross your arms, get comfortable. Ah, that feels good. Now, I want you to cross them the other way. Wow, look at the look on everybody’s faces. Some of you actually had to look at your arms. You’ve had your arms your whole life! But it’s new. It’s different. It feels uncomfortable and awkward. Alright, get comfortable, do whatever you want. Stand on your head, lay down, put your feet up, whatever. I don’t want to see or listen to anybody squirm. That’s the same thing with this language. It is intentional, and it feels awkward at the beginning. It takes time. So when you do a virtues pick, you commit to doing a virtues pick every day. It strengthens your understanding of those individual virtues, and then you can witness them more naturally with other people. So probably, then, keeping it simple, is starting from a place of gratitude. When somebody does something for you, just say thank you. And then, what, again, was that character quality? “Thank you for your helpfulness in sending me this. Thank you for your reliability in submitting payroll on time. Thank you for your flexibility in changing the time we were supposed to meet.” Does that make sense? Is that simpler?

**STEVE KANTOR:** Well, the payroll on time really resonates with me. I am the owner of the company. I’m insanely proud of the fact that for more than 80 months now, we have always paid payroll on time and not messed up. Tomorrow is payroll day. There will be 140 part-time assistants who will get paid, right? And boy, it would be really nice if one of them actually replied back and said, “Hey, Steve, thanks for submitting payroll on time.”

**DARA FELDMAN:** Thank you for your reliability. Thank you for you trustworthiness. Thank you for your steadfast commitment, Steve, making sure we get paid on time. We really appreciate it. People don’t realize, especially when everyone’s so purposeful these days, and going, going, going, that it literally takes ten seconds to come from a culture of appreciation. Say something, and it just can change that person’s whole day. It’s kind of like ‘pay it forward’. That positivity is going to move forward and forward and forward, and not just stay in the workplace, but then you take it home to your families, etc. Because the opposite happens if we don’t come from a place of appreciation or trust or unity. We’re going to go home, kick the dog, kick the kid, kick whatever. And so these are powerful, high-vibration words that can, that can really raise falseship.

**STEVE KANTOR:** Yeah. That’s great. And to reflect personally a little bit – and this may help you, Dara, with other entrepreneurs, although you’ve worked with plenty of us – for me this concept is insanely important, because I know aspects of this are a weakness of mine. I don’t spend enough time and focus on slowing down, as you said, and take that extra fifteen seconds for a culture of appreciation. Does that make sense?

**DARA FELDMAN:** Yeah, absolutely.

**STEVE KANTOR:** Many entrepreneurs such as myself typically are focused on the future, of what we see in our heads, and where we want to go. And based upon that, often focus on what’s wrong with the now. That needs to change to get to the future. So there’s not a lot of time spent on successes, it’s mainly what’s wrong with the now that isn’t fitting with the future vision yet.

**DARA FELDMAN:** Yeah.

**STEVE KANTOR:** For me, the Virtues Project, and some little things I’ve done with it, have helped. For example, I’ve started recently to send out some explicit, very short thank-you emails and just making it sort of my regular schedule. I’m actually not adding the specific virtues language to it yet, but I hope to do that. But, I like that a lot. One more thing, and then we’ll move on to the children’s side, one thing you just said is to do a virtues pick every day. Can you explain to people, both in terms of the physical cards or the iPhone app, the concept of a virtues pick?

**DARA FELDMAN:** Absolutely. And you can also do it online. So, if you go to virtuesproject.org, there are all the different sets of cards. I’m going to go do one right now. If I have my iPhone I’ll shake my phone, or if I have my virtues deck I will randomly select a card. And then I’ll read and think about what it means to me. Is it maybe an invitation, that maybe I need to be more mindful of this? Or is it an affirmation saying ‘You go, girl, this is strong in you.’ And sometimes it might be both. May I just read the front of one card, Steve?

**STEVE KANTOR:** OK.

**DARA FELDMAN:** I’ll do it really fast. So I went to the web, virtuesproject.org, and I randomly picked, and I got determination. Determination is a powerful intent that drives our dreams. It is the strength of will to act with resolve. We focus our energy on a purpose, and persevere until we meet our goal. Determination is a commitment to follow through, until we accomplish our purpose. We care about something so much, that even when difficulties arise and things don’t come easy, we keep on keeping on. If one path doesn’t work, we try another way. We don’t allow ourselves to get distracted or go off-course. We complete the task we choose to do. We are determined to succeed. With a quote ‘//The difference between determination and stubbornness, is that one comes from a strong will, and the other comes from a strong won’t.//' And this morning, the way I interpret it, is that it is an affirmation. I drove up to Pittsburgh yesterday, four hours. I did a workshop with interns and residents, who are surgeons. And the doctor who had me come up, he was really nervous. He’s like, “You’re going to get up and make them dance? Are you kidding me?” And I am like, “Mark, they’ve gotta have some fun.” We had a beautiful experience. Then we debriefed for three hours and I drove back. I got to bed at 2:30 last night. I really am committed and determined to get this //Virtues Project// out there in all aspects of life because I know the power of it. So that’s how you do a virtues pick by yourself. If Steve and I were doing a virtues pick, then he would give me an acknowledgment of what he just heard in my share. And that’s another way.

**STEVE KANTOR:** So, I will do so, because as you just did that, I wrote a poem, which I really don’t do too often. So, based upon Dara’s virtue pick of determination and what she just said, let me read you my poem. Dara is determined Dara is drive Dara is a dreamer Dreamers change the world

**DARA FELDMAN:** Awwww.

**STEVE KANTOR:** I’m a poet and I didn’t know it.

**DARA FELDMAN:** Wow. Awesome creativity. That was so thoughtful. One last thing is, these are physical cards. You can say, “In our family, in our tribe, whatever, what’s one virtue that would be helpful?” You can actually go and get a pick, read it out and then invite everybody to share how it speaks to them in the focus of the work that everybody’s doing together. So, there’s a million different ways.

**STEVE KANTOR:** So, part of my determination is to do things differently in how Lifebushido works. As we all know it is a goal of Lifebushido to positively impact Ishidos and how we impact the world. And I just smell that there’s something about this Virtues Project, and Dara’s stuff, that is gonna click in a very interesting way over the next few years with Lifebushido. So, I’ll make that prediction. And Dara, you can see that I’ve reached out to you a few times on this topic.

**DARA FELDMAN:** Steve, I’m here to be of service. Let’s do it.

**STEVE KANTOR:** We’ll see how this teleseminar goes over. Most of the time, for the workplace, if you can, just take one or two minutes to reflect on, for the stay-at-home moms and dads on the line, reflect on the //Virtues Project// in conjunction with children aged 5 to 15 and if they wanted to do some baby steps, which resources on the project page or your page are the most relevant.

**DARA FELDMAN:** Beautiful. Well, I’ll start with my own family. I was teaching kindergarten when I found out about the //Virtues Project//. Five-year-olds get the language of virtues. We would read a card, we would focus on it. And then at the end of the day, we would say, “Ok who practiced determination? What did it look like?” At home with my teenagers…I would be peaceful at school and then I would come home and rage all over my 12 and 15-year-olds, because the house was a mess, they were totally disrespectful and sibling rivalry was on high. In the //Family Virtues Guide// and also in my book, //The Heart of Education//, I describe what happened. I called a family meeting. We identified four virtues that we wanted to be about as a family, what that would look like, and the consequences, both positive and negative, if we weren’t respectful, orderly, flexible and responsible. And then I started catching my kids being virtuous. Oh my goodness, “Danny. Thank you for your orderliness in hanging up the towels.” Using the virtues to acknowledge your kids and what they are doing, that is virtuous. Don’t just say thank you for cleaning up; thank you for your helpfulness in cleaning up. So, to acknowledge it. Then, for the guidance language, I know you guys can relate. Walking into your kid’s room and going, “How many times have I told you to clean up this mess?” Well, instead, invite them to the virtue of orderliness. “Ok, Jake. Please be orderly. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper, make your bed, and close your closet door.” You’re teaching them what that character quality looks like, and it then becomes a transferable skill. Just starting with the language, Steve, I think is the most helpful. And the last strategy is the companioning process. It’s a way to listen to somebody, to their own solution. In my book, there’s a poem called //Listen//. Oftentimes as parents, there’s a fine line between just listening and giving advice. When we’re not asked for advice, and it’s really not a matter of life or death, or something really hard, just listen to your kids. Let them share what’s on their mind and their heart. Or your spouses or your friends. And then, at the end, give them an acknowledgment of a virtue that you heard in what they said. That will keep them coming to you and opening up. That’s how when my daughter was 17, she was the captain of the Pom Squad, the dance team, she asked me to be her coach. It was crazy. So I think that’s how. My book, in it, because it tells the stories of the families, and //The Family Guide//, are really helpful resources.

**STEVE KANTOR:** Terrific. That’s fantastic.

Case Studies
This area is for feedback and personal experiences of people who have found that the ideas and materials of the //Virtues Project// have an uplifting impact in their lives.

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